WinCo is a new name for the grocery chain, but back when I was a kid, the store was named Waremart. I’m not exactly sure how, or why, the name change came about, and I really don’t care enough to go research it.
Back in the early days, WinCo—hereafter referred to as the store—didn’t use the awesomeness that is UPC bar-code scanning. Back then, at the registers, the prices on canned and dry goods were written on the items by customers with store-supplied, wax pencils.
The following is a typical example of how it worked for one particular customer:
Customer walks into store. Customer grabs cart, and pushes it into the store.
Customer returns to cart corral, and leaves cart with gimp wheel. Customer chooses new cart, and pushes it into the store.
Customer yells at her children, but children continue to jump up and down on the automatic-door trigger mats. Customer threatens children that their father shall be notified of their bad actions, but children ignore customer. Customer walks to children and twists ears. Children cry and sulk after customer.
Customer walks back to cart, but cart is missing. Customer curses the thief—hereafter referred to as jackass—and walks back out of store.
Customer returns to cart corral. Customer realizes that the only cart remaining inside, is the gimped-wheel cart. Customer swears under breath, and curses jackass once more. Customer turns to tell children to go outside and get cart, but children are missing. Customer smiles, and pushes gimped cart into store.
Customer grabs wax pencil—used to mark prices on cans and dry goods—from plastic cup near door, and pushes cart further into store. Customer finds canned vegetable aisle, and selects cheapest can of green beans—typically dented, or black around seal for that extra discount.
Customer walks leaves cart and walks back to front of store for new, working wax pencil. Customer grabs an extra three wax pencils for, “shits and giggles.”
Customer realizes she left purse in shopping cart. Customer arrives at shopping cart sweating and out of breath, but happy that purse is untouched.
Children are at candy dispensers, happy that customer left purse unguarded. Children chew gum and blow bubbles, then high-five, and skip to comic book spinners.
Customer continues to dry goods aisle. Customer finds three-quarter full bag of all-purpose white flour, but is elated because hole is plugged with a small piece of grey duct tape. Customer marks original price on white flour wrapper, and circles the extra fifteen percent marked there. Customer is thinking of getting hair done with money saved.
Customer enters dry cereal aisle. Customer thinks children will enjoy the cereal she purchases for them. Customer marks generic Cheerios bag, and tosses bag in cart. Customer looks in cart and wonders when the craftiest of the four children had time to slip two Spider-Man comic books into cart. Customer smiles and places comic books onto nearby shelf.
Crafty child watches customer, and waits for customer to exit aisle. Crafty child takes comic books and shadows customer three more aisles. Crafty child watches customer enter ladies room to, “freshen up.” Crafty child hides comic books between boxes of powdered milk and Idaho Au Gratin potatoes. Crafty child darts from cart area after hearing ladies room door open.
Customer feels her shoulder and reassures herself that purse is on shoulder and not on cart that crafty child just darted from. Customer lifts the discounted bread bags, but does not see any comic books.
Customer transfers groceries onto black conveyor belt, and finds comic books between boxed dry goods. Customer sighs and puts comic books onto impulse items rack, next to Woman’s World. Customer picks up latest issue of Woman’s World, and places on belt. Crafty child watches exchange and begs customer for comic books.
Clerk interrupts and tells customer that customer missed marking price on dented can of white hominy.
Customer mutters swear words, and tells crafty child to go get price. Crafty child negotiates task for comic books, but the offer is rejected. Customer sends crafty child out with wax pen and threats of father knowing crafty child has been a “brat.” Crafty child pouts and slowly walks away from customer and the line of four other customers; all frowning, and leaning on their carts.
Customer feels bad, and places Spider-Man comic books on belt. Clerk says, “These as well?” Customer smiles, and shrugs, then says, “Yes.”
Crafty child is at disgusting hominy canned vegetable area. Crafty child notices price is fifty-eight cents, but marks the can eighty-eight. Crafty child smiles at his retribution, and skips back to the front of the store.
Crafty child smiles at the eight customers in line at the conveyor belt, and drops the hominy can on its side at the very end of the belt.
Clerk sighs and waves hand between infrared conveyor belt eyes. The hominy can spins at the far end of the belt, but does not advance.
Customer grabs crafty child’s arm and pulls him out of the way. Customer rights hominy can, and gives to clerk.
Clerk notices price, and looks at crafty child who is staring back. Clerk shakes head, and enters price. Crafty child takes hominy can and pushes it deep down in bread bag to ensure it is secure.
Customer writes check, and her children follow her out of the store.
Customer transfers paper bagged groceries into back of green, four-door, pickup truck. Crafty child laughs at sister—Raymond Barf Pickle—who sinks down in seat so boys will not notice her.
Customer tells crafty child to return cart to corral and she will give him treat. Crafty child is dubious of customer’s honesty, but complies.
Customer starts pickup truck, and black smoke billows from tailpipe. Crafty child wipes black soot from face and climbs into front seat.
Customer presents crafty child Spider-Man comic books, and crafty child is happy and thanks customer.
Customer looks around and wonders where her children got gum. Children smile and blow bubbles.
Customer and children drive toward the purple twilight and home.
[1009]
43.491831
-116.420122
